at the end of each day,

all i've got is you... and God.

thank you for being my rock.

dear God,

i'm scared for tomorrow. really, really freakin' scared. as i told a friend i think im going to get sick just thinking about that thing tomorrow. You know how much i want it because that would be my ticket to "freedom" so to speak. just help me get through it with flying colors...uhm, no... just help me get through it without making a fool out of myself.

i'm going there blind but with complete faith in You. beacuse i know that You will be the ultimate judge on what direction my life should take. but God, just please give me enough courage and self-confidence for it. please.

amen.

(untitled)

i'm not perfect...like the rest of the world.

so, deal with it.

starting 2007 on a sour note

you thought wedding announcements should be a reason for celebration especially from people you think are very close to your heart. but certain people wouldn't react the way you want them to because the cat is out of the bag. they never really liked you. and since this ain't a perfect world and a perfect life, you just have to deal with it.

you are scared enough starting a new chapter in life and it doesn't help when people tell you to do things which is completely different from your faith. there are certain things that can't be compromised. over your dead body as you would put it.

tougher times are still to come. as the days and months pass by, the pressure will continue to build up. the only thing to do is hang on and believe that you can surpass it. remember that he loves you so much and nothing will change it.

as he assured you, by hook or by crook a wedding will take place in september 2007... or earlier.

holiday shout out

Happy Holidays to everyone!!!! =)

Always remember the TRUE meaning of the season and celebration. See y'all in 2007. And i'm so looking forward to 2007. Cheers to everyone! Mwah!

back from the grave

i'm alive & kicking once again. it feels great to be back talking about nothing and pretending to write about something. hahaha.

it's just two weeks before christmas and i still don't feel "christmas-y". it's probably because edward's still in china and we haven't done our holiday gift shopping. and Lord, i hope his trip doesn't get extended for another week or so. i dont want him spending this christmas away from me and his family. and i miss him terribly!!! :-(

i had my eyes checked yesterday and got a new pair of glasses since my eyesight is getting worse. i think it's payback from all those years of reading in not-so properly lit areas & reading inside moving vehicles. should have listened to my mom more.

while shopping for havaianas that i plan to give mikey (my pseudo godchild), i ended up buying a pair of my own. sigh! i know! i couldn't help it. they were so beautiful and begging me to buy them. yeah, i'm just making excuses for myself. i'm praying that the next time i hunt for mikey's havs i wouldn't be tempted to buy another pair for myself.

i got bored with my curly hair so i'm back to shiny straight black hair. oh, and with a little bangs too. ;-)

is 2007 a year for weddings? well for my social circle that is. i already know a handful of people who are tying the knot in 2007 which of course includes edward & me. but my excitement escalated when i found out that one of my closest friends is also getting married next year to her long time boo. it will definitely be a fun year.

going awol

i'm taking some break from the blogging world. i need to focus, think and understand things. i would like to learn more about myself with the changes about to happen in my oh-so boring life. a lot of things scare me these days and i don't think it would be good for me to blog it here or even tell the world about it. sometimes, you should be quiet and be still.

to my friends who really want to get in touch with me during my blog hiatus, you know where to find or reach me.

i might take a peek from time to time. i'm taking time off from blogging but it doesn't mean i'm going to go invisible in real life.

my next career: personal shopper

when the "project" is done, most of my time will be devoted to launching my new career as a personal shopper. this can really be exciting even if it entails a lot of research, interviews and running around. but who cares. shopping is one of the things i'm really good at. and it's also one of the things that i wouldn't be bored doing. imagine, all you need to do is shop and you get paid for it too. coolness. :)

so if you are interested to test my shopping powers, just holler. spread the word. i might be the next best personal shopper in town. hahahaha.

******************************************

How to Become a Personal Shopper (taken from www.ehow.com)

Love to shop? Turn that passion into a money-making venture and become a personal shopper. Yes, you can get paid to shop for others!

STEP 1: Get some experience. Retail sales will give you a great foundation. You'll be in touch with products, trends, brand names and price points.

STEP 2: Do your research. If you want to dress someone else, you must know a lot about that person's profession, including what they need to wear and what styles and colors are acceptable. Talk to store buyers and flip through the monthly fashion magazines to keep up with trends and hot new labels.

STEP 3: Take notes and build a library. Log everything you did and didn't sell to a client, why you chose it and how the client did with the purchase. Analyze the trends and develop your own ideas about how they can be worked into a man's or a woman's wardrobe.

STEP 4: Make the transition from being a popular sales associate at a department store to being a personal shopper. Show store management the amount of revenue you've brought in over a year and your thick address book of active clients. Get written testimonials from your regulars about how much they value your services and trust your skills.

STEP 5: Go solo by organizing your skills and marketing your portfolio. Start with colleagues from your previous profession, friends, relatives and neighbors. Target busy men and women whose professions dictate a certain dress and leave them little time or energy to get their closets together.

STEP 6: Get on the phone or send e-mail. Whether you're employed by a store or working solo, your clients are busy - that's why they've enlisted your services. It's up to you to tell them all about the latest styles that complement their wardrobes.

Tips & Warnings
Know your client's budget and respect it. Always offer your clients a variety of options, but avoid exceeding their budgets. You'll establish a bond and trust with your clients and keep them coming back for your services.

Diversify your offerings. Give your clients the option of using your services for corporate or family gift giving. Target Christmas well in advance, and over time become acquainted with the special dates your clients and their relatives may celebrate: anniversaries, birthdays, graduations and so forth.

quotable quote

callie (to george) : don't chase me anymore... unless you're ready to catch me.

the cheesy post

read at your own risk.

Dear Edward,

Hello b! And welcome to my blog. Hehehe. I know that you were a bit disappointed or even hurt when I refused to give you my new blog address. I kept telling you that it is my personal space and I don’t really see the need for you to see it. But then again, I realized that you never did spy on my old blogs. Yes, you visited them from time to time but you didn’t really invade my privacy. I’m sorry for not giving it to you earlier.

There were instances in the past that I wasn’t really the “ideal” girlfriend. I was stubborn and hard-headed. But you know that already. As nanay told you early on our relationship, I’m not an easy girl to deal with. So thank you for being sssoooo patient with me. People just don’t have any idea how patient you are with all my mood swings and multiple personalities.

Our spat early on this year was really scary. I was about to give up. And I thought that breaking up was the only way to straighten things out. I was preparing myself for the worse case scenario which was losing you for good. But God has His own way of solving problems. He showed us that what we have is something that other people still wish of having. And I guess, you never did let go of me. You loved me even at the toughest times. You loved me even if you were hurting. You were strong for the both of us. And from that day on I was 200% sure that you were really the one I am going to spend the rest of my life with. You were the one that God has molded to be my partner in life.

Thank you for believing in me and in our relationship. We both know that there will still be bumpy roads ahead for us but I know that we will be able to survive it. Because we will continue to fight and protect this wonderful four-year relationship.

I was so used to taking care of everyone else. There are even times when I feel so unappreciated. I’m so thankful that you are in my life to take care of me…as in really take care of me. It’s nice to know that I am being taken cared of.

There are a lot of things I should thank you for. And this space wouldn’t really be enough. So here are some of my thank-you’s.

Thank you for loving me more and more each day. Thank you for always brightening up my day. Thank you for not being the typical guy who’s so into video games because you are always able to give me your undivided attention (peace friends! Hehehe). Thank you for watching basketball with me and sincerely enjoying it. Thank you for making me watch my favorite TV shows and waiting for it to be over before you call at home. Thank you for making me have a lot of crushes and being cool about it.

Thank you for being selfish (you know what this means. Hahaha). Thank you for being paranoid about my safety. And thank you for being the only person who can make me shut up.

I love you so much!

"I see beautiful days with you
I feel beautiful ways of loving you
You’ve touched my heart so deeply
And I can’t thank God enough
For all the beautiful days with you
I feel beautiful ways of loving you
Everything is just so wonderful
Every little thing is just so beautiful
When I spend it with you"– Beautiful Days, Kyla

Love,
Jen

*photos courtesy of fotosearch

high on happy pills

i’m bursting with so much happiness and love!!!

happy, happy!!!

joy, joy!!!

here's a hug for everyone ---> *hhhhhuuuuugggggggg* !!!

season 3, episode 4

"you deserve to be happy. you deserve someone who will take care of you. you deserve someone who will not hurt you. he’s the better guy. i’m walking away."

"so, what time does visiting hours start in the morning?"
"you shouldn’t do that."
"it’s ok, really."
"no, you shouldn’t do that."
"so it’s _______. can i ask why?"
"you are a wonderful person. you are an amazing person. you are even the better the guy. but..."
"he’s the one."
"i’m sorry. i wish he wasn’t. but he is."
"you know he’s gonna hurt you again...and if he does hurt you again, i won’t be here anymore... be careful meredith."

it's a must-see episode. don't forget to arm yourself with kleenex.

sshhh!

i'm really good at keeping secrets. my friends can attest to that. but sometimes, it's hard keeping a secret especially when it's really worth sharing with the rest of the world. sigh! my hands are tied and my lips are sealed. i promised not to tell a soul. this is the downside.

so for now, this is the only thing i can do... be quiet and be still.

(note to self: gosh jen! you're actually growing up. hahaha.)

cool off

everybody knows how much i love and adore you. but i think that this is the right time to take things slow. i have to keep my distance from you. this is a hard decision and it would be really tough for me. i will avoid you at all cost because it is the right thing to do for now. i won’t say goodbye because i believe that it won’t be long before we will be reunited. we will be together again once i get to secure my future and the “plan” is in place.

thank you for being with me on my out-of-town trips. thank you for spending a whole day with me shopping or just window shopping. thank you for always making me feel and look pretty. thank you for always being reliable. you always made me feel comfortable and secure. thank you for all the wonderful memories we shared together.

thank you for the three amazing years and the 12 beautiful pairs…

how bitter & arrogant can you get

"win or lose, it's the school we choose."

this is what you can come up with after losing the championship which you predicted & bragged to be in the bag early on the eliminations?! talk about being a good sport?! tsk. tsk.

me want this!

Nokia 7390 (the first 3G fashion phone of Nokia)

forget the dolce & gabbana gold motorola razr v3i! this is the mobile phone to beat (at least for me). this nokia 7390 is just über-ly sexy! it's powder pink! it has a 3 megapixel camera and up to 2GB expandable memory. it's a clam shell phone and it's powder pink!!!! yeah i'm a sucker for the color pink.

thanks to pam beacuse i was able to dicover this baby through her blog. gawd! i'm even willing to let go of my n70 just to have this phone. according to the nokia webiste, it's planned for release on the 4th quarter of 2006. hmm... that gives me time to really save up for it. hehehe. i'm hoping that edward wouldn't have any objections in my getting this mobile phone.

missed opportunities

for some reason, i have been the anti-social when it comes to parties, cocktails or karaoke nights which involved our clients. i had to drag my feet when i get invited to their functions or parties. i mean, i am your slave (for 8-10 hours a day, for 5-6 days a week) and you still want to see me after work?! seriously, that’s too much “bonding” for us.

don’t get me wrong. i appreciate all their invites and i really don’t mind having chit chats or casual hi’s and hellos with all of them but that’s about it. we are not friends so lets not all pretend that we are. besides, being in a party where i really don’t know a lot of people make me a bit awkward…and bored. that’s why i’m thankful to my bosses for being in the “party scene” with the clients (but sometimes, i know they don’t want to go too).

last july, boss #2 asked me to accompany him at a magazine launch for a client. i told boss #2 that I wouldn’t go because i have things to finish at the office. and i’m not really that hands-on for this specific account so i wouldn’t really know what to do there. so off he went to the launch. an hour or so has passed and boss #2 called me.

boss #2: jen, hulaan mo kung sino andito sa launch?
me: uhm, si ___________. (some person we all despise at that time. hehehe.)
boss #2: hindi. Si JAZA kaya.
me: hindi nga sir?! (my heart was starting to leap.) SI JAZA?????
boss #2: oo nga. nag-kwentuhan pa nga kami e. (boss #2 used to work closely with JAZA and fernando during his stint at ayala land)
me: hay. hay. andyan pa siya?
boss #2: wala na. he stayed for only a few minutes. dapat talga sumama ka.

yeah, i SHOULD have been there. that would be another JAZA moment for me aside from my sharing an elevator with him at intercon a few yeasr back. i might even ask him to pose with me for a photo. that would truly be a kodak worthy moment!

in august, the same client transferred to a bigger office and celebrated their anniversary. so naturally, we were invited to the party. again, i decided not to go and my bosses were cool about it. they were also having second thoughts of going but they had no choice really. they decided to stay for two hours tops and leave the party.

as a last minute convincing, my counterpart at the client side even texted and persuaded me to go. “jen, it’s a party. free food. overflowing booze,” she said. i politely declined.

a few days ago, boss #2 and i were viewing a cd of their party photos and hoping we can find something decent for a photo release. We were laughing our heads off with every photo because of our silly comments.

then came this photo……

me: “ Si ELY BUENDIA!!!” (screaming!) Sir! Si ELY Buendia andun!!!! (i was jumping up and down while saying this.)
boss #2: di yan si ely noh.
me: sir! believe me! that’s ely buendia! i’m 210% sure!!! bakit hindi nyo sinabi sa akin na pumunta siya sa party?
boss #2: di ko rin alam. kasi maaga din kami umalis e.
me: huhuhu. sayang naman. sana nakita ko ulit sa ely buendia in the flesh.
boss #2: ikaw kasi e. sabi syo sumama ka pag may party.
me: sabi ko nga e.

so let it be lessons learned for me. i should allow my bosses to drag me to client parties or functions. coz i don’t know who i will miss seeing next.

an after thought: i should allow my bosses to drag me to client parties or functions??? NOT! ;-D

what i have done in my lifetime... so far

snatched this from wrigz, who got it from mommyba's blog. after doing this sort of quiz, i realized that i need to travel more and explore the world soon!

Instruction: Highlight the ones you've done.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight - wala kayang snow sa Philippines
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love - don't ask me for details
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs – the o.c. in me
57. Pretended to be a superhero – I act as one when Edward is sick and needs to be taken cared of.
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain - just pure bliss!
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business – and it died a natural death
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken – because I’m still in love with the same man up to now. Hehehe.
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played DVD for more than 6 hours straight – tv series/movie marathons!!!!
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo – just henna tattoo.
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand – hahaha! Natawa ako dito.
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children – still raising my two younger sisters
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart – haaay. sorry. sorry. sorry.
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper – that’s what you get being in the PR industry
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey – even made a book report on both
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life – more of figuratively speaking


Give it a try. It’s fun and you might even realize something about yourself after doing this. Oh, and let me know so I can see your list too. =)

then & now

then: i want to be a sports writer. my life used to revolve around sports too much that i want to be in the thick of things.

now: i just love watching sports especially basketball and formula 1 car racing and write from time to time about it in my blog. but i don’t want a career in sports because it doesn’t really pay that well.


then: i was a tomboy. i couldn’t care less what i was wearing and don’t even wear make-up. a shirt, pair of jeans and sneakers, i was good to go.

now: i wear make-up and have perfected the “no make-up” kind of look. i love wearing minis and a bit obsessed about fashion. i love doing makeovers and mixing and matching clothes. yeah, i’m such a girl.


then: i wear a lot of killer stilettos. i used to run in 4-inch heels during press events and don’t have any sore feet.

now: havaianas baby!!! no need to expound on that. (but for press events, i go for flats or 2-inch heels)


then: junk food was my staple food. my mom used to give a long sermon saying that junk food is bad for me and yada, yada, yada.

now: i barely eat junk food. and i try to stay away from it. (naks!)


then: never saw myself getting married. i used to think that i wasn’t the marrying type. i even planned of getting a sperm donor when i reach a certain age so i can have my own my baby, instead of having a husband.

now: i’m so looking forward to the day of tying-the-knot with edward and have my own family. we even have names for our future baby/babies ready already.


then: i always dreamed of a big, lavish wedding. you know the type where you want specific type of expensive flowers, specific expensive venue, a very beautiful wedding gown with a big tag price, a very nice loot bag for the guests… oh you get the picture.

now: i just want my wedding to be simple and meaningful. no grand plans, no elaborate details. i don’t really care where my wedding would be. all i need is for edward to be there. but of course i will still have a nice (but affordable) dress. probably resembling one of monique lhuillier or vera wang’s designs.


then: drama princess…

now: ice queen. still working on it but getting there.

iskolar ng bayan, ngayon ay lumalaban

for those not in the know, our so-called justice secretary raul gonzalez branded our beloved school, university of the philippines, as a “school that breeds destabilizers that haunt the country every year.” he even poked fun at the oblation run saying that they are just a bunch of naked men running around campus. he also accused u.p. students as ungrateful since it is the state that lets us go to school but we are the same breed who wants to topple or ruin the state. he ended by saying that he was proud to be a product of ust and that is the reason why he is “well-behaved.”

i was fuming mad while reading the article. i was cursing him and defending my school for everything he accused it of. i promised myself to blog all about it the following day and give him hell for it. but after some thought, i realized that trying to answer every point our so-called secretary of justice raised would mean going down his level. after all, it is in u.p. that i learned to respect opinions of others no matter how different it is from mine. it is also in u.p. that i learned that you shouldn’t push your own beliefs unto others and saying that it is the right one. but it is also in u.p. where we were taught about fighting for justice and equal rights. and so i waited for the proper time to organize my thoughts and defend my school. i didn’t want to sound bitter, angry or furious when i give my two-cents worth on the issue. i just wanted my answer to be factual.

but lo and behold, pat evangelista had the same thing in mind. she wrote a rebuttal on her column in the philippine daily inquirer last sunday. i was smiling and felt really proud while reading her column. “my sentiments exactly” is all i can say. i’m posting her column here so everyone would have a chance to read it again. and let our so-called justice secretary know that this the way iskolar ng bayans choose to fight battles… the educated and civilized way.

REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE

Payback
By Patricia Evangelista

Published on page A11 of the September 3, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

I HAVE recently learned that I owe a debt of gratitude to Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez. “Some degree of gratitude,” must be due to the fact that I spent my college life in the University of the Philippines. I apologize for my omission, and can think of no way more apt than to share what he calls the “world-class education” that I have acquired in the four years I spent in UP. I will attempt to do justice to the underpaid and overworked professors who teach with ancient blackboards where today’s lectures are superimposed over diagrams from three years before. If I cannot, perhaps the good secretary would be interested in taking the class I took in my freshman year—Philo 11: Introduction to Logic.

In a statement just this week, Gonzalez laments the decline in quality of UP graduates. “That school,” he thunders, “breeds the destabilizers that haunt the country every year.”

In the interest of clarity, let us define the word “destabilizer.” A destabilizer, or an obstructionist, is one who deliberately chooses to oppose current norms. They mistrust much of what is claimed, perpetually demand for answers and admit only truths that they believe have basis in fact, logic, theory, precedence or their own personal standards. In the academe, however, they are called neither destabilizers nor obstructionists. The common word for these vile creatures is “scholar.”

The reason students are sent to school is not to learn how to parrot government memoranda, or memorize the capitals of provinces in alphabetical order. Students study to learn how to think—not just to acquire a sheet of printed parchment to post on the wall. The capacity for critical thought is what separates the man from the beast. A dog can be trained how to sit, a monkey can walk across a tightrope, but it is the man who can choose to stand up and speak.

Contrary to what Gonzalez believes, it is not opposition to the government that characterizes the UP scholar. It is the opposition to passive acceptance, and a compulsion for thought. Gonzalez claims that he is not against all UP students, God forbid, because there are some who are “bright and good.” I assume he means those of us who do not rally, who do not march, who do not choose to side with the Left. By “bright and good,” he means “bright and good to the government of GMA.”

“It is the people’s taxes that is keeping UP alive,” he claims. Agreed. “It is the State that is paying for their schooling.” Agreed. “I think some degree of gratitude should be there also.” Agreed.

There is a difference, however, between the State and Secretary Gonzalez. He is not the State, however much he tries to convince us. Neither is the government of Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. The State is the people, the debt is to the people, the gratitude is to those who paid their taxes in the hope that the country’s best and brightest will do some good in the future.

The academe, more than anywhere else, is the hotbed of debate, a place where multiple perspectives clash, and every sort of ideology, theory and philosophy has a place. Disagreement is a norm, and is seen as a manifestation of critical thought. That UP breeds destabilizers is not a bad thing—after all, if stability means the kind of government we have today, then I stand for destabilization, too. All of us agree on our debt to the country—all of us want to pursue the national interest. But because we are scholars, because we are taught to think, the manner we pursue that national interest and the definition of that national interest vary from student to student. The red-shirted activist in Mendiola is no less aware of that debt than the political science student who plans to join government.

This need to check the government, Gonzalez claims, “is degrading the national interest.” Who defines national interest? To Gonzalez, certainly not the people, and certainly not those who have been shot, strangled and maimed because of the administration’s relentless pursuit of national interest.

Democracy is not the absence of dissent; it is the tolerance of the freedom to dissent, and the awareness that dissent can check the State’s enormous power. And still Justice Secretary Gonzales, in all smugness, demands that this “high tolerance to educational freedom,” should be raised in the annual budget hearing. I cannot believe I live in a country where education is threatened because it is used.

This is not simply an issue of an old man trying to strut his machismo by aiming potshots at students. It may be hard to believe—as this is the man who, I have a sneaking suspicion, is the opposition’s hired gun, the man who “forgave” Susan Roces because she was “too pretty to put in jail,” the man who told former President Aquino to first take care of her controversial daughter Kris before she opposes GMA; and the same man who claimed that the only reason he didn’t absolve three suspects in the Subic Bay rape case was that he had to “appease the mob.” He is the man whose snappy comeback to the impromptu Oblation Run held a week ago was to ask the fraternity men to “take off your masks and run naked.”

But irrelevant of the man, his denouncement of UP is an attempt—no matter how moronic, and no matter how laughable—to justify actions that would otherwise be unjustifiable. It is one of the dozens of persistent suggestions that the government is always on the side of right, that to oppose it is treachery and that to question it is to go against all standards of morality, honesty and patriotism. And all this is dangerous, at a time when people are tired of marching in the streets, tired of throwing out one corrupt leader after another, tired of the perpetual struggle for the rights and freedoms that are inexplicably being curtailed.

The government thrusts us back into the Dark Ages, where leaders are omnipotent and “the people” do not exist. Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and probing into the nature of the “enemy” is assumed to be support for the enemy. Those who oppose policies are “destabilizers,” or “NPA sympathizers” or “oppositionists.” To report truth that will compromise government approval ratings is “inciting to sedition,” a crime of which Gonzalez once accused the Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism. “Why fight the State?” Gonzalez demands, “Why try to bring it down?”

Gonzalez claims that he is proud to say he is from the University of Sto. Tomas, and that it is the reason he is “well-behaved.” I offer my sympathies to UST, and since I am also aware that there is much that is “bright and good’” in that school, I believe Gonzalez must be a case where good education has failed in creating an educated man.

If this man is the epitome of what it is to be well-behaved, I’m glad that that’s a compliment I’ve never been paid.
* * *