a really bad day

(an incoherent post)

i don't like disappointing people and, most especially, disappointing myself. i keep replaying everything in my head. i probably should have done this, should have done that to save it. but sometimes there are things beyond your control... no matter how exprienced you are in such department.

if i am to be blamed for this, i'll accept it. because i probably deserve it. and i hate myself right now. i feel that it's somehow my fault that it was lost. i know i have given it my best but i guess, my best wasn't good enough for them. but seriously, i don't know what more i could have done. i have given it my all.

i think it's also unfair to be judged solely on that "mishap" considering the rest of the things were done with flying colors. there's nothing else we can do. that's how they do things at the other side of the fence. we just have to accept it and face reality. and i don't really feel good about it.